January 29, 2006-Money,Oil Changes,
Haircuts
I haven't had my hair cut in 7 months and my car needs an oil change (at least)
badly. I'm sure these are just minor concerns for most of the population. For
someone with social anxiety disorder, minor everyday chores like these and going
to the bank, post office, and grocery store can be a nightmare.
To just get by in life, I try to go to 24 Hour grocery stores late at night
and/or use the Self Checkout. I only bank online or through the night deposit
drop. I use paypal postage or the Automated Postal station and drop my mail off
at odd hours.
Getting a haircut has always been difficult for me. I don't enjoy explaining how
I want my haircut. I honestly don't care as long as it gets cut shorter. The
"hair stylist" will usually talk too much and ask personal questions, which is
uncomfortable. But if she DOESN'T talk a lot, then you wonder if something is
wrong. Can't win either way. Then, you have to deal with the tipping issue.
Inevitably, I will say everything is perfect, OVER-tip and navigate my way back
to my car without making any eye contact.
I find an oil change even more difficult. It usually involves driving up to
Jiffy Lube or a similar "quick lube place." You have to wait there for half an
hour, worry that they are making fun of your (my) car with almost 200,000 miles
that makes interesting noises, etc. They usually try to up-sell you on the oil,
extra services, and so on. It is very difficult for me to even drive there, let
alone sit through and complete the transaction.
My social phobia fixes:
For a haircut, I will end-up using a Wahl Home hair cut kit. There is basically
one hairstyle this will work for: short. The "long"' hair guide lets you keep
the top a max of 1 inch. I will probably go with "number 6 on top, 3 on the
bottom." It's pretty messy, hard to cut the back yourself, and pretty much
necessary to do it in the bathroom and jump right in the shower.
The Oil change isn't as easy. My only alternative is using the Pep Boys "Early
Bird" service. I can go there early before they open and drop my keys and
service instruction in their overnight box. They will do the work and call you
when it's ready. Then you just have to pay for it and drive away. I like the
option of making written instructions and not needing to tell anyone what needs
to be done. This is usually an all day event and may seem like a lot of hassle
to go through for a twenty dollar oil change that takes 15 minutes. When you
have social phobia and/or social anxiety disorder, you will go through a lot of
trouble and waste time and money to avoid simple social interactions. I have
used the Early Bird service and waited 8 hours for a $9 tire repair.
Money is a major issue:
How do people with social phobia even pay for oil changes, haircuts, and
groceries?
Many people with social anxiety can't exactly hold down normal jobs. There are
social obstacles to making money in the traditional workplace. There is a lot
political BS and smooth-talking involved in many careers- and most social
phobics aren't exactly Clintonesque.
Most traditional occupations now require at least some college degree. In almost
9 years, I have only managed an Associates Degree. I barely made it through high
school, and it has nothing to do with ability. I don't want to brag, but these
are just some objective facts: I had the highest SAT scores in my High School
Graduating class, although I never took a single pre-law or legal class and had
barely completed 30 credits I scored in the 97th Percentile on the LSAT- Law
School Admissions Test ( Although I want to more than anything, I gave up any
hopes of going to law school a few years ago), my scores qualify me for MENSA
though I have no interest in joining them. I was accepted to some nice colleges,
earned some scholarships ( lost them when I couldn't attend class), etc. Yet I
have "F" and "Incomplete" grades littering my transcripts. I don't fail tests
and I always get As on papers....Social Anxiety prevents me from going to class.
My inability to overcome social phobia is the major ( or sole) cause of all my
failures in life.
My realized "success" at this point is probably on par with a high school
dropout. Or worse. I am only 26 years old, but social anxiety is a huge
obstacle. It's hard to be optimistic about the future.
You cannot imagine how depressed I am. Yet I have never turned to drugs,
alcohol, crime, or other self-destructive behavior.. Heck, drug addicts and
thieves receive more respect and sympathy than we sufferers of social anxiety.
I have found that most people with social anxiety get by taking menial jobs with
duties well below their ability and low pay. Some "lucky" ones get help from
family and friends. Some are entrepreneurial, but its very hard to conduct
business when you can't use the phone or make personal appearances. The
internet, while perhaps an enabler, is also a lifesaver. I survive through a
patchwork of micro-businesses. I might sell something on eBay, sell a couple
textbooks on Amazon, have a few sales through phone service affiliate programs,
etc. I am talking about small transactions for $25-50. Just enough to not worry
about eating today while at the same time having a lot of anxiety when thinking
about paying for food next month and beyond. My primary motivation is to
not hit the "bottom" that was 2002-2003.
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